LAST DAYS AND LAST WORDS OF FATHER ADONIS LLAMAS NARCELLES,JR.,SVD
by Simonette Calaycay on Monday, September 19, 2011 at 10:00am
My name is Simonette. Fr. Adonis called me "Manang Mao" (elder sister Mao). I’m the 3rd daughter among 7 siblings. I’m from Sarat, Ilocos Norte, Philipines.
Fr. Adonis was fondly called “Fad” by us - short for Father Adonis. Interestingly and fatefully, he was the 4th child, born on the 4th of June, became the chaplain of the Filipino community in Berlin on April 4, 2004 and at the age of 40, was the 4th SVD missionary to die in the mission land.
I want to share with you the memories of his last days and his last words...
On May 30, 2011 at around 3pm, I called him up to find out the results of his medical tests and procedures. He said “that the doctors will be in soon.” I said “okay, I will call back … we will be praying the rosary in the meantime.” We were at the third joyful mystery when the phone rang… “may tumor daw ako sa pancreas (the doctors said i have a pancreatic tumor )." I told him not to worry because these things can be curable, we will continue to pray for him and that it’s going to be okay… because with God, nothing is impossible. At that moment, I wanted to fly to Berlin and be with him. I tried to reassure him but I was hurting inside knowing how he was alone during those difficult times… how he needed his family more than ever. After speaking with family members we decided that someone should be with him right away.
On May 31st, he told his doctors that he feels good enough to go home to Bayernallee for a few days.
On June 1st, he celebrated his 8th year anniversary as a priest in Bayernallee with the Filipino community.
On June 2nd, Manang Teng (our 2nd sibling) and her husband arrived from New York. Fad’s deteriorating health did not stop him from meeting them at the airport. He even managed to show them around Berlin.
On June 4th, he celebrated his 40th birthday. He was planning to launch his 5th book, ”Words of Faith” at different venues on that day but was held back by his hospitalization. Nonetheless his birthday turned out to be a joyful and memorable occasion. My sister and her husband witnessed his beloved community lavishly shower him with love, well wishes, beautiful songs, and graceful dances. They, of course, sumptuously prepared his favorite delicacies.
On June 6th, Fad underwent a 5-hour surgery. A few hours after surgery, he was already awake and alert in the recovery room. Manang Teng sounded very hopeful and excited delivering the news to us over the phone. However, the next day her heart sank when the surgeon told her that Fad had an advanced stage of pancreatic cancer, that it was not resectable and that it had already spread to the liver. This was not the news we were hoping for. She asked desperately if there were any other chances of cure. The doctor said that he can undergo chemotherapy and if the tumor shrinks enough, it might become resectable.
On June 9th, I arrived in Berlin. Fad’s unfaltering faith gave me much needed strength to face the unbearable. He remained graciously optimistic. He poured his heart and faith, his hopes and fears, and his pains and sufferings by writing more each day. He worked on his 6th book “Words of Joy”, in which he composed 365 prayers, poems and inspirational phrases. He began writing the book on Jan. 1, 2011 intending to finish it on December 31, 2011. In this book, he meant to share his daily reflections for an entire year. Instead, he finished it while recuperating.
On June 20th, Father Adonis, myself and sister Tess were sitting and waiting for blood test results when a mysterious stranger (an elderly German woman) stood in front of us and said, ” FOR GOD SO LOVE THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON THAT WHO SO EVER BELIEVE IN HIM SHALL NOT PERISH BUT SHALL HAVE ETERNAL LIFE.” Without another word, the woman left. Fad was astonished, then he remembered that the verse was the Gospel that Sunday. When the doctor obtained the results and called him in, he asked me to pray. After a short discussion, he was immediately rushed to have an ultrasound and endoscopy. The results showed that he has had major internal bleeding, possibly for several days. We believe it was a miracle that he survived that.
Our family, relatives and friends, along with Filipino-German community in Berlin, the Pink Sisters and SVD congregation fervently prayed, asking God for the miracle of healing and recovery. We asked for an unwavering faith to accept God’s will and the strength to go on. Every afternoon at 3 o’clock, Father Adonis and I prayed the 3 o’clock chaplet of the divine mercy, the holy rosary and more than 30 novenas. The “Novena to St. Peregrine, the patron saint of cancer patients” was posted by Fr. Adonis daily on facebook and he invited everyone to join us in praying unceasingly. My sisters sent prayer requests to hundreds of monasteries and churches all over the world. Father Adonis always reminded us, “magpasalamat kayo sa mga nagdarasal para sa akin (please give thanks to all the people who are praying for me)”.
On June 25th, Fad started his chemotherapy without major side effects. Fad felt content and thanked God for answering our prayers once again. He started his 7th book, “Words of Healing.” Included in this book are 25 poems he wrote in just one day. He continued to write while undergoing chemo until he can no longer control his hands. Let me share a poem from this book
your cross is my strength
gazing at your cross
your pierced side
your helpless state
totally surrendered
and openly vulnerable...
i also see myself now
from your excruciating face
i could almost hear you cry
"my God, my God why have you forsaken me..."
yet you still let God's will prevail
as I also let God take control now...
as i hold your cross tight
as i embrace it on my chest
i find joy and meaning
in my present suffering
for in your cross is my strength...
On June 29th, the feast of St. Peter and St. Paul, Fr. Adonis was discharged from the hospital. Back at Bayernalee, he recounted on his journal , “…this painful journey and battle against this tumor, these cancer cells, have led me to many realizations in life, and it has inspired me to write more poems…there is always life and hope amidst all these... I do believe that God is on our side…”
Despite having pancreatic cancer, among the world’s most painful and most fatal cancers, Father Adonis never complained. I kept asking him if he had pain but he always answered, “wala akong nararamdamang sakit (I’m not in pain),” or “ok lang (I’m fine)." Not once did he express resentment.
On July 3rd, he decided to get a haircut. A few days later, I noticed a small plastic bag labeled “Fr.Don’s Hair”. I asked him about it, and he said, "no agak makasempet, ikutkut yo tan ed abay nen mommy," (if I can’t go back home, I want you to bring that back home and bury it next to mom)."
July 25th was the most tormenting day for him. He had a series of test then his doctor said that his condition was grave. Cancer cells have spread to the liver, kidneys and stomach. Chemotherapy was no longer effective nor beneficial. He was hoping for something... He struggled to ask the doctors if there was any other options but the doctors said NO. They suggested palliative and terminal care. Fad asked,”how long will I live?” The doctor responded, ”I could not tell you how long you will live, maybe one, two ..three months? I don’t know, I can't give you an exact answer.” Fad asked if the remaining days will be difficult. The doctor replied,”no, it’s not difficult, you will just have more sleep.” My brother remained calm and firm but as soon as the doctors left the room tears rolled down his eyes. I was extremely saddened. He was devastated and I can do nothing to alleviate his pain and suffering… we cried. I told him “Fad, si Lord ang doctor natin, we believe in miracles… kahit anong mangyari, hindi kita iiwan ... aalagaan kita (Fad, the Lord is our doctor, we believe in miracles, what ever happens I will never leave you... I will always take care of you).” Father Adonis remained steadfast. He continued to hope and never gave up.
On July 26th, I asked Fad if he wanted to go back to the Philipines, that it might be better if he went home and be with the family. He said, "ayaw kong maging pabigat... (I don’t want to be a burden...).” I said that he was not and never will be a burden. I felt that he has lived most of his life in Germany, and I, as well as everyone else back home, was hoping that he could spend whatever time he had left with us. He asked what the other siblings thought. I said that everyone hoped he’d come home so we could all spend time together however short it may be. So he agreed to go home.
On July 28th, I asked Fad if he needed me to do anything for him. At first he was silent but I told him that” pinadala ako ni Lord para sabihin mo sa akin kung may gusto ka... sabihin mo lang (God wanted me to be here so you could tell me if you needed anything).” He thought for a while then he asked for a pen and paper and he wrote down the following:
Seminarians that we are supporting in the Philippines:
Seminarian Mike Awidan
St. Dominic Seminary Nueva Vizcaya
contact person: Fr. Tinong Daynos
Seminarian Alvin & Jonard
Immaculate Concepcion Major Seminary, Bulacan
contact person Fr. Manny Cruz
Seminarian Rodel of MSC
Seminary in Cebu City
He wanted us to continue supporting them.
On the morning of Friday, July 29th, we set the date of our trip. I suggested August 1st. Fad wanted August 2nd since his successor Fr. Simon was going to arrive on August 1. There were no available flights on August 2nd so we booked our flights for August 3rd. Everything was set, we were even able to arrange for a doctor to accompany us during the flight.
On the afternoon of July 29th, 10 minutes before 3 o'clock Father Adonis was sitting in the hospital bed. He had a sip of water, then he looked at me and said, "MANANG MAO, THANK YOU...PAGOD NA AKO...E-SURRENDER NA NATIN KAY LORD...NATAN LA...SABIHIN MO SA KANILA, MAHAL KO KAYONG LAHAT...SINNER AKO...SIYA ANG MAY ALAM NG LAHAT"... (MANANG MAO, THANK YOU… I’M ALREADY TIRED… LET'S SURRENDER TO THE LORD… THE TIME HAS COME… TELL EVERYONE I LOVE YOU ALL…I’M A SINNER… HE KNOWS EVERYTHING).” He kept saying those words over and over. Then we started to pray the chaplet of the divine mercy. While praying, I noticed that he was no longer breathing but his eyes were still open and his lips were still moving as if he was praying silently. I finished the chaplet and I went on to pray the novena to the miraculous Infant Jesus of Prague. I pressed the call bell and the doctors and nurses came immediately. They checked him and said “he’s gone” … and yet his lips continued to move… he has not stopped praying, even after his last breath.
